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Staying grounded during a pandemic

I would have never thought that during this Coronavirus outbreak I would at moments actually be silently applauding myself with how I was handling it mentally and emotionally. Coming from someone who has always dealt with germ ocd and does not always adjust well to minor changes; nevermind drastic ones like this – Although I for sure have my panic, feeling of doom moments, I’ve been able to find ways to set my fears aside so that I don’t drive myself insane and I can remain a functioning human. So just a few thoughts to share that may help put your mind at ease if you’ve watched too many news updates today, and you are feeling frenzied :

1. We have to let go of things we cannot control. It makes sense though, right? No amount of worrying or staying calm is going to change the outcome – how many people become infected or how much more the outbreak could affect our lives. We are better off staying as grounded as we can and keeping our stress levels low as possible, and go with the flow.

2. I have heard that a few astrologers are saying these types of widespread pandemics occur only so often and on an energetic level where people on a large scale are out of alignment and need to be brought back down and forced to be still. Not that this necessarily brings comfort, but a larger purpose that we can make sense of on some level can help us look at it in a different way that doesn’t make it feel so random and out of control.
So we’re seeing people come together to help fight this nasty virus, and show many acts of kindness and generosity – which ultimately shift energy from fear to love and on a worldwide level is the healing and reset that is needed to move forward.

3. This too shall pass – Although it may be interrupting life like nothing we’ve ever seen and throwing wrenches into all kinds of plans and routines, this pandemic will eventually subside and pass and we will quickly return to our normal everyday hectic lives. This for sure is forcing us to slow down and spend more time with our families – we might as well make the best of it and enjoy this extra time with our kids or spouses that we may not have otherwise gotten. So we should embrace this quiet time at home and also use it to catch up on any cleaning or organizing we have been putting off because we are always on the go. Shut off the news for a bit, turn on some music and go through some closets or organize some cabinets in your kitchen. Its a good distraction from the fear and an opportunity to feel accomplished and more organized, bam!

4. So important during a time like this is to be sure to devote some time to yourself and self-care. It may still be challenging as a lot of us have now taken on the new role of homeschooling and cleverly  planning our shopping trips around that and when the least amount of people will be out – but even if it is for a bit in the morning or at night just take some time to do something relaxing and reflect on how things are going. Take a warm bath with your favorite oils and candle, read, meditate or do some yoga. It will help keep you more balanced and ready for whats next and to handle the current situation and chaos around it so much better.

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Conquering Codependency Habits; 5 ideas to implement into your life today

 

What toll are your codependent tendencies taking on your life, self and children?

Taking a long hard look at my own life and reality – I began to realize one day that I could no longer use the term “codependency issues” to victimize myself and make excuses for feeling stuck and unhappy in my life. If it wasn’t my marital issues I was focusing in on and obsessing over, it was something or someone else – the fact was it was always my perception of something outside of me, taking away from my real experience. Harsh realizations became that I was missing out on this precious life I have been given, my beautiful children and the little things & giving them more of my authentic happy undistracted self. My heart felt sad that my biggest blessings in life were taking a huge hit to a long unresolved issue that I needed to face head on and quickly, and make it a lifelong commitment to stick to recovering myself so that I could be happy, enjoy life and teach my girls to be powerful independent and joyous.

So lets discuss 5 things that we can begin doing today to help transform us into the best abundant versions of ourselves:

51 > Stand a firm ground when necessary, but do your best not to overreact to difficult people and situations – mostly so you don’t find yourself in damage control mode;  instead you are being assertive but not allowing your triggers to get the best of you and dominate the situation. You won’t feel like you lost control, and you may have even made a positive impact on a situation or with someone, even if it isn’t recognized immediately.  I notice when I react as opposed to respond to something or someone, I am left with my wheels spinning after and find myself ruminating and stuck in thought and replaying things, as opposed to just a quick grounded response that almost just allows you to at least temporarily put an issue to rest and allow yourself to move on to the next thing.

 

2> Give yourself time and space. This one kind of spawns off the previous, particularly in a situation where there has been a disagreement with someone, or you could just be in a funk of your own having a bad day – if you receive a phone call or text, don’t feel the need to immediately respond. Sometimes I will look at a message but then move my phone to another room with the volume up to make sure I don’t miss a call pertaining to one of my kids or something otherwise important – but there is no rush to get back to anyone, or make any quick decisions, everything and everyone can wait in most situations until you have processed something either on a emotional or intellectual level.

3> Make getting to and staying in a positive energy vibration a daily habit.  It took me so long to figure this one out – but when things are not going well and I am feeling triggered and stressed out by almost everything – and it may well be because of an ongoing issue with a family member or just something negative I can’t seem to get out of my head, but a downward spiral tends to occur if we don’t get a handle on our negative emotions and before you know it, everything appears to be out to get you and you aren’t enjoying life like usual, and those around you feel your tension as well, especially if you have children. So when I find myself in a funk, I get right back on the wagon of daily guided meditations, any exercise possible and stretching, drinking plenty of water (lately with lemon to perk things up) spending some extra time relaxing and doing things that I enjoy to get me back into that positive relaxed energy state. There is also deep power in the ability to temporarily let whatever may be bringing you down go. Sometimes just mentally putting it on the back burner and distracting yourself is enough to give you a different & maybe even wiser perspective when you are rejuvenated and ready to come back to it.

4> Practice mindfulness and being present when you catch yourself off lost in Neverland.  It’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that each day and passing moment are all things we cannot get back and will not experience again, so we really need to look at the big picture – and have gratitude for the simplest things such as waking up and feeling alive. Giving thanks for all of the things including our amazing functioning bodies that keep us going every day – allows you to get into a different perspective of things, so that when that negativity does eventually creep in again, it won’t feel as big to you, and you can more easily dismiss the thoughts or fears our egos want us to get stuck on.

5> And lastly, is just to have faith and know that wherever we are today and whatever difficulties and challenges we are being presented with are meant to be stepping stones to growth and enlightenment. Everyone has a journey in this life we have, and some yes may seemingly appear to be easier than others – but whatever struggles you have today will eventually be turned into strengths that will carry you and allow you to teach others and guide them to a life filled with more peace and love.

 

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Self-Love Tips for Beginners

 

For the first time in my life I am demonstrating some self-love. I’ve never had an abundance of self worth and have always been very critical and even mean to myself. I have often wondered if I even had a self. I guess I had just accepted that this is the way I was. It wasn’t until recently that I have started noticing little things I have been saying and doing to protect and stand up for myself. Unfortunately it has taken years of being intermittently mistreated and in and out of toxic relationships – but I think I finally hit the point where I realized my emotional, mental & even physical health were being affected by more or less living outside of myself – I needed to make a change, no one else could do it for me. In an attempt to become stronger, happier and more confident – and to raise my girls to be this way, it is my goal to be taking continuous action steps.

If you are struggling with finding yourself, want to feel more comfortable in your own skin – and stop being taken advantage of here are some things to try that have helped me:

  • Get on your own priority list and give yourself what you need. Now this is coming from a Mom of a few kids so this may feel impossible and it does sometimes. But I promise a balance can be found. If I am having a tough day especially and am with my kids I will carve out time while doing chores or driving or showering – to listen to a podcast or get outside into nature – do anything that brings you peace and happiness, and it doesn’t take much to help turn a day around. Even if it doesn’t seem to help much, you internally are keeping score of the self love and this alone increases your confidence.
  • Stop giving too much of yourself. If your anything like me I used to not even think through what I was about to say before I was offering up help to someone or forgiving someone I wasn’t ready to – all to keep the peace and have control of what others thought of me. It took long enough, but what I finally realize is that regardless of how much you pour your heart out and be kind, others are still going to have an opinion you can’t control, and also I realized its none of my business – the only power we have is over ourselves, some people will over expect and take advantage Of your kindness and just drain you til there is nothing left. So savor your energy for the right places and people. For example after a fight or mistreatment from someone, if they are hounding and hoovering you for reconciling – take your time, be kind but give yourself space and don’t rush back to normal just because they are ready. You need to be ready too. This really has done wonders in improving my courage and confidence.
  • Take time to acknowledge an inventory of your confidence building progress. So what I have started doing is really trying once a day or once every few days to hone in on what I’ve done to make myself stronger. For example I’ll recognize that I stood up for something that was said to me that was insulting and questioned the person who said it. Or instead of reacting and engaging in what could have become an argument from that, I said something along the lines of – “Well that was pretty harsh, I don’t appreciate being talked to that way” walked away. Its the little and the big things we do to protect ourselves and stand our ground that keep that if we recognize we are doing, and it makes us feel good – we will naturally be training ourselves to keep doing it and be constantly improving and being the best version of ourselves we can be.
  • Really allow your good emotions and moods shine and share with the world, but don’t feel the need to hide and suppress your negative emotions or moods. It’s easy to go with the flow of good energy when nothing is weighing you down and your having a great day. It feels good   And if your like me you really want to keep the momentum and spread the good vibes to family and friends – and that is all really fantastic. Unfortunately what I used to do when I wasn’t feeling this way and was more down in the dumps and in a more negative cycle of thought I would still try hard to pretend I was feeling happy to the outside world and would almost layer my emotions by fighting them and not fully allowing myself to express and experience them in a healthy way. What I came to realize is this was not only delaying my ability to process what I needed to and get back to feeling happier and like myself quicker, but I was invalidating myself to feel what are normal human emotions. So what I try to do on the tougher days is take more time to myself. I would recommend not cancelling any previous social plans you may have, but at least giving yourself space you may need and sometimes it does require some time alone to reflect and do things that help you to relax and rejuvenate. If you have to postpone a lunch date, thats ok and you are better off than going and pretending you are okay when you aren’t
  • Make yourself your own accountability coach for inserting daily actions to keep you moving forward. Let’s just face the truth, that it is very easy to fall off track as we get consumed with our every day lives and get caught up in so many different things when we are always going in different directions. So naturally our self-care tends to take the back burner quickly yet unintentionally. Unfortunately unless you have a really good therapist or the ability to afford a life coach, we have to make it a priority to keep ourselves on track and moving forward with our self improvement goals. It really is our responsibility, and no one is going to do it for us. So even if you listen to a podcast or do a meditation that resonates with you, do some journaling, do something new or something that scares you a little – these are all activities that will keep you moving forward in strengthening your core confidence muscles.