What toll are your codependent tendencies taking on your life, self and children?
Taking a long hard look at my own life and reality – I began to realize one day that I could no longer use the term “codependency issues” to victimize myself and make excuses for feeling stuck and unhappy in my life. If it wasn’t my marital issues I was focusing in on and obsessing over, it was something or someone else – the fact was it was always my perception of something outside of me, taking away from my real experience. Harsh realizations became that I was missing out on this precious life I have been given, my beautiful children and the little things & giving them more of my authentic happy undistracted self. My heart felt sad that my biggest blessings in life were taking a huge hit to a long unresolved issue that I needed to face head on and quickly, and make it a lifelong commitment to stick to recovering myself so that I could be happy, enjoy life and teach my girls to be powerful independent and joyous.
So lets discuss 5 things that we can begin doing today to help transform us into the best abundant versions of ourselves:
51 > Stand a firm ground when necessary, but do your best not to overreact to difficult people and situations – mostly so you don’t find yourself in damage control mode; instead you are being assertive but not allowing your triggers to get the best of you and dominate the situation. You won’t feel like you lost control, and you may have even made a positive impact on a situation or with someone, even if it isn’t recognized immediately. I notice when I react as opposed to respond to something or someone, I am left with my wheels spinning after and find myself ruminating and stuck in thought and replaying things, as opposed to just a quick grounded response that almost just allows you to at least temporarily put an issue to rest and allow yourself to move on to the next thing.
2> Give yourself time and space. This one kind of spawns off the previous, particularly in a situation where there has been a disagreement with someone, or you could just be in a funk of your own having a bad day – if you receive a phone call or text, don’t feel the need to immediately respond. Sometimes I will look at a message but then move my phone to another room with the volume up to make sure I don’t miss a call pertaining to one of my kids or something otherwise important – but there is no rush to get back to anyone, or make any quick decisions, everything and everyone can wait in most situations until you have processed something either on a emotional or intellectual level.
3> Make getting to and staying in a positive energy vibration a daily habit. It took me so long to figure this one out – but when things are not going well and I am feeling triggered and stressed out by almost everything – and it may well be because of an ongoing issue with a family member or just something negative I can’t seem to get out of my head, but a downward spiral tends to occur if we don’t get a handle on our negative emotions and before you know it, everything appears to be out to get you and you aren’t enjoying life like usual, and those around you feel your tension as well, especially if you have children. So when I find myself in a funk, I get right back on the wagon of daily guided meditations, any exercise possible and stretching, drinking plenty of water (lately with lemon to perk things up) spending some extra time relaxing and doing things that I enjoy to get me back into that positive relaxed energy state. There is also deep power in the ability to temporarily let whatever may be bringing you down go. Sometimes just mentally putting it on the back burner and distracting yourself is enough to give you a different & maybe even wiser perspective when you are rejuvenated and ready to come back to it.
4> Practice mindfulness and being present when you catch yourself off lost in Neverland. It’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that each day and passing moment are all things we cannot get back and will not experience again, so we really need to look at the big picture – and have gratitude for the simplest things such as waking up and feeling alive. Giving thanks for all of the things including our amazing functioning bodies that keep us going every day – allows you to get into a different perspective of things, so that when that negativity does eventually creep in again, it won’t feel as big to you, and you can more easily dismiss the thoughts or fears our egos want us to get stuck on.
5> And lastly, is just to have faith and know that wherever we are today and whatever difficulties and challenges we are being presented with are meant to be stepping stones to growth and enlightenment. Everyone has a journey in this life we have, and some yes may seemingly appear to be easier than others – but whatever struggles you have today will eventually be turned into strengths that will carry you and allow you to teach others and guide them to a life filled with more peace and love.